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Little Bird Christmas

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Chatty Cathy...er...Kellen!

Since little Mr. Kellen has been Mr. Let-Me-Tell-You-Something lately (or Mr. Repeat-What-You-Just-Said), I've been keeping a little notebook handy to write down HOW he says stuff.  My absolute favorite is that he has just started saying "I love you" after we say it to him.  OH my goodness, I crumble into tiny pieces when he does it!  It comes out - "I bub you!"  Here's the rest of the list:

"I bub you" - I love you
"Oh-mey" - Open
"Trash!" - Crash!
"Char" - Car
"Bubby"  - Monkey  (which is funny cuz that's what we call him!)
"Tee - Tao!" -  Sit Down!
"Ma - Na - Mees?" - Vitamins (said in questioning tone because he wants me to give him some)
"Boo - bah" - Football
"Tee - tot" - It's hot!  (Refers to fireplace, oven, and sun)
"Ehw - mo" - Elmo
"Baf" - Bath
"Mouse" - Mouth
"Pees" - Please
"Tank To" - Thank You (said almost under his breath)
"Mo" - More
"Poo" - Pool
"Air-pane" - Airplane
"Tee - Ta!!" - Pizza

He also says Milk, Apple Juice, Doggie, Agua (for water!), Movie, Outside, Up, Night-Night, Book, Shoes, Truck, Bus, Jacket, Eyes, Cheeks, Nose, Feet,  Cheese, Hi, Bye-Bye, Ow, Poo-Poo, Pee-Pee, Kitty, Rawr! and of COURSE, NO and MINE very well.  And there are a ton of other words he says, but I can't remember how he pronounces them offhand.  He babbles a lot too...well, I should say, it sounds like babble, but I could just not be understanding him!

Tonight, if I do say so myself, I made an awesome dinner: Garlic - Rosemary Roasted Cornish Game Hen with white wine reduction, Garlic - Parmesan Mashed Red Potatoes with Rosemary, Green Beans and Cherry Tomatoes with Basil Butter Sauce, and Salad with homemade balsamic dressing. Kellen liked everything except the vegetables.  :(  My biggest challenge is getting him to eat vegetables.  He won't even eat carrots. He'll sometimes eat green beans, and he's been known to eat lettuce at Aunt Ida's (he likes her dressing, of course!).  He'll eat spinach when it's scrambled with eggs.  I've taken to adding green veggie puree to things like meatloaf-- neither he nor Patrick ever realize it.

It's pouring rain now...THANK GOD.  We need it SO badly...

My awesome son

I just had to tell y'all about my awesome son.  He's almost two and his smarty-ness is just amazing to me.  He's starting to learn to talk.  When I was up on the stool installing hooks on the wall, he said, "Me up, me up!"  He knows possession...he gets Patrick's shoes all the time and says "Daddy shoes!"  He looooooves bananas. He used to call them "nanas", and now they are "Me nanas!"  For some reason, every vehicle is a truck.  And if he sees a bus, watch your eardrums...he will explode them with his exclamation of "BUS!!!!!"  And, if he sees Elmo...he goes nuts.  He loves Elmo.  Hence the theme of his 2nd birthday party.

His invitations....

How cute is he?  I can't stand it.  

Also very hilarious is what he does when he doesn't want to go with me or Patrick.  He will run somewhere and lie on the floor facedown....as if we can't see him!!  It's hilarious.  He'll do it in the tub when it's time to get out...don't worry, all the water is drained.  But he's so funny.

Today, I took him to the park with my new BFF, Denise.  She brought 2 of her kids, Max, 11 and Celia, 7.  They just loved Kellen and he had a blast, especially with Max.  AND, he was so much more brave than usual!  He went down slides and was climbing up everything.  He was having a blast.  Then, all the kids were collecting acorn tops for a good 30 minutes while Denise and I talked.  Funny what amuses them at ANY age.

I love that he understands most of what we are saying to him.  At school, also, the teacher told me that "He is VERY smart! He knows all the letters and he knows the pictures"  I was ONE PROUD MAMA!  I read alphabet books to him all the time, and tell him what things are all the time, and try to describe everything we see and what we are doing.  Now...Patrick today told him to "get your cuppy".  CUPPY?  What the hell?  It's a cup.  Please don't have him going around calling it a cuppy.  

Well, tomorrow I'm bringing him to church...so let's see how that goes!!

Laundry Room, done, BAM!

And this is how it all went down....

First...behold a picture of our utility room with lovely creamy white painted walls (barf).  With the rest of our house having such great wall colors...the laundry room deserved some love.  

So, on Pinterest (SHOCKER!) I was moved, nay, INSPIRED by this laundry room below.  I loved the wall color contrasting with the white door and trim and the white painted stripe (COOL!).  Not a major fan of the chalkboard cupboards, but I don't have cupboards, so....

Also...please can I have those front loaders?????  And I would totally make the wood folding board a different color.  

So, I really loved one of the colors in our guest bathroom.  It was the kind of dark gray that I wanted.  AND, we have all the house/wall colors/paints in our garage...left by the prior owner; SCORE!  So, I had a foam roller already and I got painting.  I got an edger that was recommended by younghouselove.com 's Sherry...she said it edged "like butter".  And it was only $4.99!  Done.  And she was pretty much right. 

Then, I taped off the white stripe area and painted it a semi-gloss white I also already had from prior owner (LOVE THEM!).  Problem...the tape I used, that blue stuff, SUCKS, and it bled through.  So, I took the trusty edger and edged the lines by hand with the gray paint and VOILA!!!

Next up, I had to change out the crappy 80's light with the gold trim.  ANYONE who knows me, knows how much I LOOOOOVE gold trim.  (no I don't, I hate it)  Plus, there was minimal light, and I like more, whiter light.  So, I removed the old one, EASY.  But then I remembered.  I gotta shut off the breaker to the laundry room so Patrick doesn't come home to fried-Tari.  I went out into the garage to go to the breakers and.........

Yes, that's a LOT of car parts obstructing the breaker box.  I'm thinking, hmm...great planning there, husband.  Plus a few more choice words were spoken and came out of my mouth with great force and volume.

ALRIGHT THEN!  Living dangerously it is!!  Luckily, there was no shocking revelations during my installation of the new light.  WHICH, by the way was $15 at HD and had a nice brushed nickel surface and nice white light from those new fancy bulbs that just plug in.  

I'm telling ya...I'm super proud of my light installation.  (Sans safety)

Here is the utility room in use... the walls almost look brown...but they're not...

Semi-gloss...love it.  Can you just see how straight those damn lines are??????  Seriously.  

It's a MASTERPIECE!!

BEHOLD!!!!  The completion of my project!!

Last night, I took the kiddo to Home Depot, we picked out two 1 x 2 boards, black spray paint, and some screws.  Then across the street we went to Walmart and bought some clips to glue onto the finished boards.  After putting munchkin to bed, I sanded the boards and spray painted them. 

This morning I awoke to my dry, black boards.  I sanded the edges for a little weathered look.  Then I drilled a small hole through both boards on both sides.  THEN, I drilled a larger hole that would allow the top of the screw to recess into.  Patrick was kind enough to help me screw them into the wall, while I made sure they were level with our handy level (DAMN, that thing is handy!!)

THEN, I super glued the clips onto the boards ten inches apart.  AND VOILA!!!

I had some artwork that I had saved on the fridge (a little old, but still special) and here you go!  Finished product in use!!!  Seriously....HOW cute is that???  

Our company will be so impressed by Kellen's masterpieces, they will turn right around and deposit money into his College Fund piggy bank!!

So, now what's next you ask?  (Or maybe you didn't ask, but I'm gonna tell you anyways.)  I have another idea that I have on my Pinterest site that I'm all ready to tackle.  Here's a pic of what I'm talking about.

I just want to paint the room a color similar to this, and we already have a grayish tone paint.  And I love the white stripe with the hooks!  Genius!  Now, I wish I had the front loaders...but that'll have to wait.  They also have the cabinets (which I don't have) painted with chalkboard paint.  Not sure I would do that.  Anyhoos....off to go test some paint colors on the laundry room wall!!  :)  

She's CRAF-TAY!

Refinishing the Desk Stool

Before:

After Sanding, ready for paint.  Note the white shelf/coat rack I also painted in the background.

And here is the finished product!  So PUR-TY!!  I love how it is shiny on top.  Lacquer baby...lacquer.

NEXT.....

Refinishing old bathroom cabinet from Target 

Had to sand that bad boy...it was a BITCH.  Generally, this thing is thisclose to being a piece of crap, so I wanted to repurpose it.  I had to tape the window...in hindsight, I should have just taken the window out.  I almost did and then got lazy.  Not so smart.  Below is after the first painting.  I had to paint it several times because of drips that I had to sand down after it dried.  RRRRR.

BUT...look at the finished product!!!!  Our nice china now has a place to be admired.  And there's a little hook lock on the door so Kellen doesn't get into it.  He's currently not smart enough to figure out a hook lock, thank God.

I put Kellen's College Fund piggy bank out so that visitors could deposit their change and help the kid go to college.  :)

NEXT!!  PROJECT IN PROGRESS!!!!

Here is the inspiration, from a do-it-yourself blog; as you can see it is a wall with two boards attached, clips attached to the boards for all the little ones MASTERPIECES.  (Which is says beautifully above on the wall.)

From directions on her website, I was able to download the exact same font for free.  Then I typed "Masterpieces" on my word processing program, made the letters HUMONGOUS, and printed them out.  Then I had to use an exacto knife to carefully cut out each letter; the paper left behind would become the stencil.  But look at all the pretty letters!

OH YEAH, forgot to show you the wall that I will use.  Note that the current paint color is rather dark.  It's not as evident in this picture, so you're gonna have to just trust me.  The "Masterpieces" wouldn't show up as well.  So, I had to paint it the same color as the formal dining...which was just an extension from the wall next to it.  So, there was flow.  Flow is good.

Here we go!  Wall painted (PS: edgers are AWESOME!!) I did some measuring and drew a line with a level and hung the paper stencils.  Did I mention that you should NEVER use paper as a stencil?  They have special stencil paper.  I was notsosmart.  Oh well.  

So, here I have painted over the stencils.  Not an easy job, took about an hour.  I couldn't roll it, like I thought, I had to use a paintbrush, and the only one I had was the size of my fingernail.  

TA-DA!!!!  After removing the paper.  NOT EASY...a bunch of little pieces stuck behind to torture me.

Now, in the garage, are sitting two 1 x 2's painted black.  Can I just tell you it's frrrrrreeeeezing in there???  That paint ain't drying anytime soon.  Tomorrow morning I will be able to sand the edges to give a nice worn effect.  Then I will screw them to the wall, and glue on some cool clips I got at Walmart.

MORE TO COME............

Bad Ideas #756-772

So, let me just preface this by saying it is SUCH a bummer that Patrick works evenings and weekends.  (He's off Mondays and Tuesdays and works 4p to Midnight)  This means that every weekend night...I am at home alone with Kellen.  Not that I don't loooove spending time with my buddy...I DO...but weekend nights are times when the whole family gets to be together, have dinner, converse, have special times...all that.  I feel really lonely on the weekends when Patrick is gone.  Especially when I try to hang out with other people, but I can't because they are going to do adult things...no children allowed.  Let's be frank, a 19 month old is not a very relaxing person to be around.  


I really need more mom friends.  I know a few...but as I said earlier...they have husbands and usually spend time with them and their families on the weekends. (PS, Patrick will read this and immediately feel guilty--so I should say...by NO MEANS do I feel anger towards you honey--quite the opposite, because I know you'd much rather be at home with us, too.  Our work schedule is just the nature of our jobs and it's a bummer, but I'm SO PROUD of you!!  You are an AWESOME police officer!!  AND I LOVE YOU!!)  Now, back to my story...


Last night I got a good taste of what it's probably like to be a single mom.  And let's just say...it tastes BAD!!


So, since it's just me and the little man...I decide to take him for pizza.  He LOVES pizza!!  If he sees pizza, or hears about pizza, he will holler "tee TA! Tee TA!!  TEE TA!!!"  So I got us dressed and took us to Grimaldi's, the Roth family's FAVORITE pizza joint/restaurant.  I thought it'd be a nice time for us.


So, I drove us up to Allen...a 20 minute drive, find parking...and pray there's not a 45 minute wait.  They have a table available, but it's one of those booth-on-one-side, chair-on-the-other setup, and I can't do that with a kiddo in a high chair.  So I say I'll wait the possible 20 minutes.  Kellen was good, sitting with his plastic pizza beeper they give you and eating little Gerber snacks.  They summon us after about 15 minutes...thank God because he was starting to get a teensy bit restless and wanting to walk around.  They take us to ANOTHER booth-on-one-side, chairs-on-the-other setup--but this time it's a four seater, so I just figure I'll sit next to him.  She offers a booster.  I'm thinking...oh crap, we've never done a booster.  OK, I'll try it.  THIS would be the SECOND BAD IDEA of the evening.  He will have NOTHING to do with the booster chair.  It was almost like he was terrified of it.  Would not sit down in it.  The hostess just kind of looked at me, saw the Gerber snacks, and tried to say..."Oh look what you have here!  Look!  Yum!"  He was completely oblivious.  I took the booster seat away and just had him stand on the booth.  He calmed down a bit. I grabbed the little container of sugars and dumped it in front of him and he instantly calmed down.  He LOVES the container of sugar packets.  Usually we won't let him play with it, but at this point I don't care. I'm thinking already, what the hell have I gotten myself into...this is bad...I should go home...etc etc.  But for some reason, I won't give up on my image of a nice time having pizza with my boy.


The waitress comes and I order.  Kellen is already all over the place, the native is RESTLESS.  She has a very understanding face and says, "I'll bring bread!"  I say OK!  At this point, I should have insisted on a high chair.  She leaves and he is a wild man, trying to grab at all the salt and pepper shakers on the table.  When I say "no", he cries and twists around in the booth, and I am holding him and whispering in his ear (in case he understands) "Pleeeeeeease, please Kellen...be good for Mommy. Pleeeease stop crying so people won't stare at us and I won't look like a complete idiot for bringing you here.  Pleeeeeease!"  Unfortunately, he doesn't understand me.  OR, he couldn't hear me over his crying...not sure which... So, I give in on the salt and pepper shakers as well.  He calms down and is putting all of them, as well as the red pepper shakers all on a plate.  He seems to like this activity and it's not too destructive.  Meanwhile, there is another waiter that keeps coming to an adjacent table, and I am STARING HIM DOWN like crazy hoping he'll glance my way so I can get him to get me a high chair.  He leaves and comes back like FIVE times and NEVER looks my way.  ARGH!!!  


Finally the waitress comes back with our drinks and I think Kellen will be happier with a little apple juice.  He sees it "JOO! JOO!"  He's literally trying to climb onto the table to get at it.  I'm pouring it into his sippy cup and I give it to him...but he wants NONE of the sippy cup.  He wants the bottle of juice itself.  And he is whining and fussing.  It's AWESOME.  I give him the bottle (with the cap on tightly).  The cap being on upsets him greatly.  It's just a miserable mess.  I take a huge sip of my sangria.  He sees the cherry in it and wants it.  He reaches his hand directly into my drink and takes out the cherry.  I say...okay, here, have it.  Another few moments of silence.


This is where I decide...this is just one of the WORST IDEAS I HAVE EVER HAD!


The guy who was earlier not responding to my intense stares comes with our pizza and I decide to give up this fight for a nice little pizza dinner with my 19 month old.  I say to our waitress, who has also arrived..."You know...this was NOT a good idea, can I just get the pizza to go???"  She, very warmly and wisely, says...do you want a slice now for him?  He is next to me...TRYING TO CLIMB ONTO THE TABLE (lovely) and he is almost-screaming "TEE TA! TEE TA!", so I think...probably a good idea, and say yes.


Ah...pizza...  Finally all is right with the world.  Kellen sits down and I cut up pieces for him and he is happy.  For a minute...I almost think that maybe we could just stay.  But, the last 45 minutes have worn me down and I am defeated.  I just want to get the heck out of there.  Then...Kellen sees the water with the straws.  He stands up on the booth and is grabbing for the straws.  I bring the water towards him to drink.  He is sipping the water through the straw and is super-cute.  Then he's having some pizza.  Again...all is good.  


Until he reaches again for the tall glass of ice water and, of course, pulls it down so it can pour onto my lap.  An AWESOME ending to an AWESOME evening filled with AWESOME ideas.


The waitress, by the way...gives me my sangria for free...and I give her an $8 tip.

Let's actually talk about KELLEN!!

So, Kellen's 18 month appointment was last Friday...which also happened to be my 40th birthday.  First of all, let me say...40 sounds SO old to me.  10 years from 50!!  WOW.  I can't believe I'm THAT old.  Time is just FLYING!!!!  I was just 20-something a minute ago!!  It's really hard for me to put my mind around.  It's harder when a lot of your friends are 5-10 years younger than you.  This milestone has REALLY been hitting me hard, BUT, I have to say...I have ALL THE THINGS I've dreamed of in life!!  OK...I'm not rich beyond belief...but I don't think that really matters.  I think, no matter what, what I have is enough because I have Kellen and Patrick.  We are basically very comfortable.  We need to work on saving more...but I'm praying that after we finally have OUR OWN HOUSE...we can finally start saving for a rainy day.  That doesn't seem to make sense as I write it...but I know what I mean.

I think both of us agree that a lot of what we've worked for in our lives has come up to this moment of buying a house.  It is our dream and we are REALLY excited.  We LOVE the house, the neighborhood, everything about it.  I can't wait to make it our own and make it really amazing.  I've dreamed of this for YEARS!!!!

OK...back to Kellen.  He continues to be awesome!!  Kellen, I hope someday you read this.  I hope you know how much I (we) love the HECK out of you!  No matter what you do or how you act...you are the love of my life.  It is SO AWESOME watching you grow up and get smarter and smarter by the day.  Your little faces that you make are SO darn cute!!  You have this cute thing where if you don't want us to look at you, you'll say "No" and turn your head.  SO CUTE!!  You have these boards with shapes that you can match up to the holes...and you say "OBAL" for Oval...although sometimes you'll call the Circle an "OBAL".  You are learning all your shapes, it's so awesome!!  You know the letter "E"!  You point at an "E" and say "E!"!!!  You are just adding words to your vocabulary like a MADMAN!  Unfortunately, you can't say the "C"- "kuh" sound, or "TR" - "truh" or "F" - "fuh".  You call fish "BEE!"  Not even close, but I totally know what you mean!!  When Daddy was getting himself some leftover Chocolate Cream Pie, you were in the kitchen going "DAME! DAME!", which is "Give me" in Spanish!  Amazing.  Of course all the Hispanic teachers at your school LOVE you and ask you to give them kisses "Dame un beso", so I'm guessing that's where you learned that.  You give Daddy and I hugs, which is the BEST.  I just pray that I can teach you to be loving to everyone.  (except strangers in vans)

Now for the challenging part.  Because you are a toddler, you are starting to show me your defiance.  This is good and bad.  You will hit me (not hard of course) when you don't get your way or I tell you "no".  OK...first just let me say...THIS CRACKS ME UP!!  Your cute little defiant mad face just cracks me up!!  It takes so much restraint NOT to laugh!!  But I have to be Mommy and I have to teach you not to hit or be mean.  So, I've started putting you in "Time Out" when you hit or do something when I've told you not to.  It's just for 2 minutes, and you scream and cry the whole time.  But when you're done serving your time, you are usually better.  I try to not have to do any of that.  I try to redirect you to something else so you won't get mad or defiant.  But sometimes, especially when you haven't eaten or it's close to nap or bedtime, you are a HOLY terror! Most of the time it just makes me laugh...you're so cute and awesome no matter what.  I'm sure I'll quit laughing when I'm older...so you better shape up now...  :)

We just had Father's Day and we had an amazing day with Daddy at the Muehlenbeck Rec Center here in Plano.  They have indoor and outdoor pools and water park-like slides--it's a pretty AMAZING set up they have.  They have the, what I like to call, Not-So-Lazy-River and you LOVED it!  We just went speeding around in circles and you held onto my neck and I could just kiss your precious cheeks a million times.  And we splashed and went UP and DOWN in the main pool and you LOVED that too!  You would say "UP ADA!"

You are learning how to feed yourself and you don't do too bad of a job!  You can get food on a fork and put it in your mouth, but tonight, at dinner, you got a little bored of that and just dumped your plate out onto the highchair tray.  Again...made me want to laugh, but I didn't want to encourage that behavior so I had to tell you no.  We'll keep working on that...

So...I'm stressing over when you'll be ready to potty train...I don't want to wait too long, but now doesn't seem like a good time with the very likely chance of us moving in a month.  So, I think a couple more months we'll wait.

More later as the story develops!!

Why do these things happen in June?

I am kind of in disbelief.

After the past month of sad deaths at work, I have learned of one close to me.

Back in 2003-05, I worked at Palm Beach Gardens Medical Center in South Florida.  I became very close to one of the nurses I worked with, Beth.  She's a little over 20 years older than me, but she and I had very similar personalities.  She was HILARIOUS!  She ALWAYS told you what was on her mind...she didn't beat around the bush.  I like that in people.  I hate when people are fake and you can tell something is pissing them off but they don't tell you, instead they act all moody and you are supposed to guess what is pissing them off...you know...that whole thing.  When Beth was happy, she laughed, when she was mad, she told you so.  She mostly laughed.  And she was an AWESOME nurse.  She and I had very similar feelings towards our nursing practice.

We also hung out outside of nursing.  When I was dating Adam and he lived with me down in Florida, he would come with me over to her house to help fix things around her condo.  Beth and I would also have gatherings with our coworkers.  When I left Florida, she took me out for a goodbye dinner.  And when she moved to Charlotte, NC soon after...I would drive to Charlotte to see her.  We kept in touch via email and would talk on the phone.

Life wasn't easy for her.  She had a lot of pain in her knees.  She had to take a lot of pain meds.  And being a nurse and having to be on your feet A LOT doesn't help.  In the recent years, she was able to get a teaching job and was working on her Master's in nursing education.  I was really happy about that...she seemed to love her job.  Before that, she had such a hard time finding a good job...a good fit for her.  She even told me about dates she went on!  But I didn't talk to her enough to really know what was going on.  When you see someone so sporadically, you only catch up on the big things, and you leave out the "little things" in life that are actually really important in the long run.  You also just talk about the good things...you tend to steer away from the bad.

Yesterday, as I walked into the Texas Motor Speedway with Patrick, Carey, and Uncle Paul (we got tickets to see the Indy Car Race, YAY), I was perusing Facebook because I was "checking in" and posting fun pics of us at the race.  I happened to see I had a message in my FB inbox.  So, I read it, of course...and that's when I found out that Beth had died.

My first thought is how ANGRY I am at myself.  Last December, while Patrick and I were in Asheville to visit over Kellen's first birthday, we had intended to go the Charlotte to see Beth.  Beth was also supposed to come to Asheville for Kellen's bday party, but she had a work commitment that came up and couldn't come.  The trip was so busy...and we just never made it to Charlotte.

Now she's gone.  Just like that.  I can't email her, I can't call her.  I look at her phone number on my phone, and I wonder...what will happen if I just call her?  Will I hear her voice?

It's just one more reinforcement of how precious and fleeting life is.  I try not to take my friends and family for granted every day, but then something like this happens.

Last night coming home from the race I was thinking.  Since my mom died, I feel like I have turned my feelings off.  Losing her was the most painful thing.  It was the most desperately horrible feeling.  It's the WORST PAIN in the world.  I'd rather have physical pain over that any day.  Now, I feel like I keep myself from getting too emotionally connected to people.  Even Patrick to an extent.  I just can't imagine having to feel that pain again.  Death is so hard to comprehend....how people can have such life one minute and then be gone the next.  Where does that "life" go?  Heaven?  All I can think is...if there IS an afterlife...and I pray there is and it's a good one...IT is so much more than we can even imagine.

My mom used to say she would haunt me.  But, I'm not sure if she has.  If she has...it's not been like, WOW!  "That's my MOM!"  Maybe a couple times I've thought...is that my mom trying to tell me something?  Then I immediately think I'm a crazy person.

At any rate, there's a memorial service in Santa Fe, New Mexico not this Monday, but the next.  I'm off, Patrick's off...and I want to go.  It's an 11 hour drive from here.

June is turning out to be a very tough month.

Everyone in the pool!!!

This past week has been really awesome...my cousin, Paul, came home for a visit!!  He lives wayyyyy up in Montana with his new wife, Promise and their snorty dog, Elvis.  He's an officer in the Air Force...he does very important stuff with nuclear weapons.  Or he *thinks* about the possibility of doing stuff with big scary missiles.  I'm very proud of how much he's accomplished with the AF and the huge responsibilities they've entrusted him.  You know...top secret type stuff!

But I miss the good old loud Paul I know and love...it was SO AWESOME having him around.  He still hasn't completely quit smoking...it appears he has a few when he's out at a bar.  That really bothers me...especially with all of the death and sickness of young people I've had to witness lately.  We are NOT invincible, as much as we'd like to think we are.  I don't give him any crap though...he's pretty much quit from what I saw when he was home.

They threw a big wedding reception at my aunt/uncle's house...it was crazy!  First of all...it was hot as HELL.  Second of all, I was entrusted the duty of making sure pretty candles floated in the pool.  I thought I had it all figured out.  But, at the start of the evening...the wind was just too much for the candles...they WOULD NOT stay lit no matter what.  So, we made more attempts later, and just as the candles were staying lit...my supposedly ingenious method of keeping them floating and not clustered around each other was not really working out.  I was becoming quickly frustrated and angry and I just gave up.  Promise's fire-loving son never gave up, though.  When the sun went down, he and some of the other kids got the candles going and it was pretty for a while.

Until of course...everyone ended up jumping into the pool fully clothed!

Yes, women and men in designer dresses and suits and ties jumped into the pool...turning this wedding reception into the Best. Reception. Ever. !!!

But, remember my last post when I talked about not being happy even though I no reason not to be?  Even though the whole situation of everyone jumping into the pool was funny/crazy as hell...I found myself feeling very blah about the whole thing.  Seriously...do I not have an ounce of dopamine in my body?  Nothing ever makes me giddy!  Well...except for the prospect of really good TV on my DVR.  Oh...and the most recent win by the Mavs...that was really exciting.  Sometimes at work my coworkers make me laugh my ass off.  Patrick and Kellen do too.  Ah...well.  I guess I'm okay.  Not everything has to blow me away.

I am kind of excited, but very nervous, about something big....  Today, Patrick and I showed my aunt/uncle the house in our neighborhood that we have been liking/looking at.  It's close to where we already live, 4 bedrooms, 2 story, with a pool.  BUT, it was built in '81, the pool looks like it needs repair, a LOT of things look like they need repair.  But the kitchen is awesome.  After showing them, they liked it, but we all came to the conclusion we should keep looking.  So, we had our friend/realtor, Adrian, look up some more options for us to look at.  Meanwhile, Patrick and I went to lunch.  While at lunch, I did some more searching on my iPhone and found a few more houses in the Frisco area.  We drove by one, stopped, and it happened to be vacant so we "stalked" it.  We walked around it, peered inside, broke into the backyard area, where there was (YAY) a pool!  We REALLY liked it.  So, I texted Adrian and he met us there.

Long story short, Adrian said we found a GOOD DEAL.  So, we are putting an offer in on it!!!  It's a lot newer, nothing looks like it needs fixing. It's in move in condition.  It's a one-story (what Patrick wants), 3 bedroom, master split from the other two rooms, kitchen overlooks family room and pool area.  The master walk in closet even has a cute little window!  AND, I have friends from work who live in the exact same neighborhood!!!  It's pretty much perfect.  Only thing...if it's available and our offer gets accepted...the Michigan trip we are planning for the week after my 40th bday gets postponed till probably August.  I think I can deal with that...for a HOUSE!!

Nothing like a cool cerveza by your own pool, right????

Keep ya updated...

Wanna see more pics of the house? Click away!!

No Fear

I have really needed to blog lately with all the thoughts screaming through my head.  But I'd think, my blog is about "Raising Kellen" -- it shouldn't be all about me.  So, I wouldn't blog.  Then I would read other blogs that I follow and I'd think again, "I really need to blog!"  It just feels good to get it all out, it helps me more than anything.  Seriously...life has been so....ugh, I can't find a word for it.  I've been feeling kind of overwhelmed by everything I want to do that I just do nothing.  I think I waste SO MUCH TIME worrying about everything I want to or need to do and spend no time actually doing those things.  Hmm.

Recently at work, I've been encountering people my age with life-changing illnesses...possibly even life-ending.  One guy, who is a doctor that just turned 40, just received a Stage IV lung cancer diagnosis.  Never smokes, hardly drinks, works out...what the hell????  Then, last week, a 41 year old guy came in with chest pain and finds out he needs heart surgery.  I admitted him.  Now...he's sedated, on a ventilator, just had a BIVAD (Biventricular Assist Device) placed yesterday and will probably need a heart transplant.  Never smoked, but he was about 40 lbs overweight, said he ate too much meat, and his dad has heart disease and has had bypass surgery.  Again, what the HELL?  Not to mention, the 3 year old little boy who is the son of a high school classmate of my cousin, Matt.  He was born and got a heart transplant two days later.  Since then his little, precious life has been nonstop pain, needles, infections, medicines, visits to hospitals & clinics, hundreds of tests...and his parents--how can they endure seeing their little baby go through that?  I don't know.  Yet, they still have wonderful, happy, fun, amazing moments that keep them going.  Then, the Joplin tornado.  A 16 month old was ripped from his mother's arms.  That's about Kellen's age and just the thought of it gives me chest pain right this second.  That tornado took BOTH of that mother's children.  I think of all this pain that people endure and it really depresses me.  I think to myself, "I should be so thankful for everything I have, I should be happy as hell!!!"  But I'm not...I worry, I stress, I analyze the hell out of everything, I berate myself.  That last one I do a lot.

Today, I read my doctor-friend-with-lung-cancer's blog.  Crushmycancer.blogspot.com  It was a huge slap in the face for me.  I know this already, but I waste far too much time worrying and being afraid.  One might wonder what the hell I'm afraid of.  GOOD QUESTION.  I am totally afraid of FAILING.  I am completely afraid of disappointing people.  I am afraid of confrontation.  I'm afraid of someone telling me they don't like something I've done or said.  And so...I tend to avoid people.  I hate making small talk.  I hate pretending to be interested in what someone has to say when I'm totally not interested.  I hate feeling like someone is doing the same to me (pretending to be interested in what I have to say).  One could argue that I pass up interesting interactions and possible friendships with people.  But, I would argue that I have plenty of interesting interactions and plenty of good friends.

I will say that having Kellen has made me more social than I usually am.  Complete strangers talk to you all the time when you have a baby.  Normally this makes me somewhat uncomfortable (not always), but I don't mind it now.  I feel like my status as a mom is a much more important one than my prior status.  I feel like I've truly started living my life.  Which is why my career status is suddenly much less important. I work for two reasons:  I enjoy it, it fulfills me; and I need money to support my family.  That's it.  I don't need my job to make me feel like a better person (like I used to).  Kellen does that for me.  He makes me feel needed and awesome.  I can only imagine as he gets older and more independent how hard it's going to be for me not to see him as my baby.  And I think of the people I know that won't ever have children and I feel VERY sad for them...because it is the most joy and happiness I have ever felt in my life--it's a WHOLE new level of joy and happiness!!  I thank God for him every day.

I guess the point of all this jibberish is that I need to stop being so afraid and live my life.  If my life ended tomorrow...I'd regret wasting so much time on berating myself, being afraid, worrying, analyzing, and not loving the important people in my life as much as I should.  And I need to take care of myself better.  I am God's perfect creation and I need to remember that.

Keegan, Norm, Mike...I am praying for you the most right now.  I will not be afraid...for YOU.

Peanut Butter and Jelly!

OK, Kellen....if you are reading this someday, you'll chuckle a little to know that TODAY you had your FIRST peanut butter and jelly sandwich!!  It is such a huge staple of a child's diet...but I have not wanted to give you jelly--it's just ALL SUGAR!  I will make a point of getting healthier "spreadable fruit" that isn't straight sucrose.  You loved it though...and made a nice neat mess.  You wonder...How can one make a nice "neat mess"?  Well, obviously there was peanut butter and jelly all over your face, arms, hands and high chair tray...but is was easily cleaned.  None of it made it into your hair or clothes.  That's what I call a "neat mess"!!  You tend to do that...you're a very "neat messy" boy.  Except of course when it comes to your diaper...and THAT'S a different story you probably don't want to hear.

Today also brought me another moment closer to my "Mom of the Year" award.  You know how I LOVE my coffee, right?  Well, I brewed a nice, fresh cup and put it on the nightstand in the bedroom adequately far enough from the edge so you couldn't get at it.  BUT, I put it on one of Daddy's police stuff magazines...which you brilliantly pulled toward you so that you could get at the nice hot coffee.

Fast forward to me hearing your screams and me running into the bedroom where you are walking down the hall crying and still holding the mostly empty cup of coffee.  Oh poor baby!!  Fortunately, it wasn't THAT hot, and you stopped crying pretty soon after I picked you up.  I think the worst part was the coffee all over the carpet.  So, then after you were consoled, I grabbed the carpet cleaner and started cleaning.  I was adding more carpet cleaner into the spray bottle when you decided it looked tasty...stuck your fingers into the stream pouring from the big bottle and proceeded to put your fingers in your mouth.

REALLY??? Seriously????

It's amazing that I got through this day without killing you OR you killing yourself.  Let's not do that, ok?  You're pretty much my most favorite person on EARTH, so I'd like to keep you around.  I'm just gonna have to be a little smarter than you from now on.

Tomorrow I'm going to put the tree swing I just got you up in the tree in the front yard.  Very excited about it!!  I'm pretty sure you're going to love it!  I also need to do some research on baby swimming lessons at the Plano rec center because of your intense interest in any body of water--especially fountains, pools, or even fountains IN pools.  With summer coming up and with Grandma and Grandpa Gephart's pool beckoning you so fervently...we need to prevent you from drowning.  Like I said...we really love you...want to keep you around.

So, this week...

...has been busy!  Work has been very busy and rewarding.  Nonstop.  I pray for a lot of people lately--a lot of people going through some extremely hard times and I feel like all I can do is smile with them and pray for them.  I also just feel extremely humbled and blessed for my own family and their good health.  I also pray that everyone in my family stays safe, especially Patrick.  Most of all, I pray for strength.

Kellen is wonderful!!  The week before last, Patrick and I were out from work all week with the "flu-like".  I call it the flu-like, because both Patrick and I got tested and it was negative.  But we BOTH felt like major crap--body aches that were HORRIBLE, painful sore throat, headache.  Last Sunday, I decided we should both go to the doctor, so we went to this "First Choice Emergency Room" place here in Plano.  It's like an urgent care emergency room--they charge ER copays.  They were wonderful.  They took care of us together and got us out of there pretty quickly.  The doctor gave me a nebulizer treatment and prescribed an inhaler--I've been wheezing with this.  He also gave me a course of azithromycin; which TOTALLY helped.  Patrick wasn't as bad, thankfully.  They tested us for the flu, and you should have SEEN Patrick almost jump across the room when the Doc shoved the Q-tip up his nose--it was HILARIOUS!!  Patrick would NOT make a good patient...I can tell!!!

Luckily Kellen hasn't gotten the flu-like!  He's been busy producing lots of clear snot, as usual.  He DOES have a junky sounding cough, but no fever and he's otherwise fine.  He's had diarrhea on and off, so I've basically stopped giving him Whole Milk.  I give him Vanilla Silk and he loves it.  I don't know if he's sensitive to milk, but it's just easier giving him the Silk.

He's so much fun as usual.  I'm trying to teach him as much as I can, labeling everything I see, and I'll ask him, "Where's the yellow ball?"  He won't answer, but I'll say, "HERE'S the yellow ball!"  He does say "Ball".  He points at everything and wants to touch and hold EVERYTHING!  I call him "My Mad Scientist"--because he wants to touch, feel, taste everything and if I don't let him...he gets really MAD!  I try to let him touch and experience as much as possible without letting him hurt himself.  He LOVES to take stuff out and put stuff into...  If he's in the tub...most of his tub toys end up getting thrown onto the bathroom floor, after which he usually says "Uh-Oh!"

My favorite trick of his lately is blowing kisses, giving kisses, and letting you kiss him on the cheek.  I love how he opens his mouth and just basically eats my face.  (And gets snot on me...YUM)

At home, he's pretty clingy to me...which makes it SO hard to do anything.  I try to play with him as much as I can; or he's at the Montessori school so I can get things done.  Thank GOD we can do that.

Patrick is pretty busy working Super Bowl detail in downtown Dallas at the "NFL Experience" at the Dallas Convention Center.  He gets to wear a really cool "All Access Pass" thing that, if he loses, will cause our nation's threat level to go up to Red.  This Super Bowl business is a big deal, apparently...  Who is everyone rooting for??  I'm rooting for the Steelers, because my bud Corie's husband is a HUGE (understatement) Steelers fan, so I just have to, for him.

After my flu-like, I am back in training for my half-marathon, which is in 9 weeks.  I ran 4 miles today and I'm running a long run on Sunday for an hour, I believe.  I switched to a training plan that has you running for set times and set pace (individualized to my ability), I wonder if that is going to work for me. We shall see.  Today, I had an average 11 min pace--BUT, that was with stopping or slowing every 4-5 minutes when my music just stopped suddenly--weird.  I'm using this new training app on my iPhone and I'm getting used to it.  So, all in all, I think I did excellent considering that!  My goal is to run at a 10-11 minute/mile pace for the half-marathon.  If I could finish in 2 and 1/2 hours or less, that would be AWESOME.

Well, time to go pick Kellen up from "school".  I'm also going to head over to Plano's "Muehlenbeck" Center, which is like a really nice YMCA.  I'm gonna see how much it costs to go there so I can do some cross-training, specifically swimming....  Go ME!

Please PRAY...

I was just crying so hard, praying to God.  A little boy who is the son of a friend of Matt's (my cousin) is sick and I just want everyone to pray for the little boy and their family.  He had a heart transplant at days old and is now 3 and 1/2.  His life has been very challenging, but he is an amazing little boy and if you'd like to read about him, I have a link to his blog on my blog.

I'd like to write more about today...but I'm going to do that in a separate post.  This one deserves it's own place and space.

It's the day after Christmas, and all through the house...

Today has been an interesting day in my mommy life.  Kellen and I didn't go anywhere today, we got up really late and we bummed around the house.  Actually, it was probably from 4pm to 6pm that I laid on the couch watching football and he would basically play for a little bit, then come to me and want me to pick him up so he could lie with me.  Then he would lay his head on my chest and suck his thumb for what seemed a LONG TIME.  It was the BEST feeling in the world.  Sometimes he would sit up, we would play and he would giggle and then he would lay his head back down on me.  He was just a little snuggle bug today!  I think the main reason, though, is it sounds like he's got a another cold.  He acted a little under the weather and just wanting to cuddle with Mommy.  It was awesome.  It was like a bonding experience.  As it drew closer to 6 pm, I could tell he was getting fussier, so I fed him (and ME) some Eggplant Parmesan that Aunt Ida made for Christmas dinner and forgot to serve!  (It was one of the three main courses!)  Oh my GOODNESS, it was absolutely delicious!  Then I gave him a bath and then brought him back to the living room for his last bottle and cuddle of the day.  So wonderful!!  All I can think is...THIS is what it's ALL about!!

Back to work tomorrow and Tuesday, then off Wednesday and Thursday (which are Patrick's days off too!)  Maybe we can have a DATE!  We aren't spending New Year's together...AGAIN.  :(  In fact, I have NO idea what I'm doing for New Year's.  Unfortunately, I work that Friday until 7:15pm.  I have a wonderful friend that I haven't seen in over a year who is having a party...but I'd know about 3 people there.  And I have a thing about spending New Year's with my very closest people.  Which would be (if not Patrick) Matt and/or Destiny.  So, we'll see what plans this week brings...  I did buy some champagne at Target...so at least I'm prepared!

Also, I have to get running again.  I haven't run since we left North Carolina, and I don't know what my problem is.  I have been in SUCH a funk.  I can't explain it.  It's like I have no motivation for life.  The holidays have a weird effect on me.  They make me equally joyous and sad.  I love the music and the beautiful lights, and the tree, and the SPIRIT of Christmas.  But it also makes me think of the things I miss: my mom especially.  I also really wish we had a house of our own.  I'm so sick of renting and living in *someone else's* house.  I feel like I'm in limbo all the time.

Recently, my cousin, Matt, brought my attention to this baby boy, Keegan, who received a heart transplant at just 5 days old.  Matt went to high school with Keegan's father.  Yesterday and today, I read their entire blog about Keegan from the day he was born in September 2007 till now.  Keegan has a good heart now, but only one functioning kidney and persistent GI problems that land him in and out of Children's Medical Center.  They also have a healthy 5 month old, Audrey.  An amazing, beautiful family.  I read all about them and I just wish I could do something for them.  He was featured on the news here in Dallas; they got to meet the donor baby's parents the day before Christmas.  They showed the donor baby's mom listening to Keegan's heart (HER baby's heart) with a stethoscope and it just blows your mind what tragedy people are able to live through and persevere through.  It also makes me very proud to be a nurse.   I added a link to Keegan's blog on the right...he is such an amazing baby boy.  I love him and I have never even met him...

Here's a pic of Kellen and Daddy on Christmas morning!  We spent a long time trying to get him interested in opening a present...but all he wanted to do is play with the bottle of Zyrtec!  It was hilarious actually!  See him holding it??

Right before we left for Aunt Ida and Uncle Paul's for Christmas Dinner, we brushed our teeth!!  Matt texted us "Where are you" and we texted him back this picture to show him we were almost ready to go...